I slept well last night, thankfully. I was really busy after work between running errands adn exercising and making cupcakes and I didn't sit down til about 9:20pm. I decided to sleep about 9:45pm and fell asleep right away, even with the lights on. Got up to pee about 3:00am and then went right back to sleep til 5:55am when my alarm went off. Still feel pretty tired today though. It's probably from running last night though. I am up to 3.6 miles.

It’s Wednesday. I had some trouble falling asleep last night. I think I am actually dozing off for like 20 minutes or so, but then I wake up again. I think I did fall asleep by about 11pm though.

Dear Sleep Blog,

I suppose I shouldn’t have bragged yesterday about having slept so well for 6 nights in a row. I slept like crap last night. I am sure it is because Jesse and I had a little spat before bed and then I did not feel relaxed. I felt relaxed earlier while I was reading on the couch and I could have fallen asleep then, around 8pm, but that was too early and I got up to do a few things and then we had a little argument and I did not feel relaxed at all anymore. I maybe dozed off a little each hour from 10pm – 2am but I was up at least once an hour and I didn’t really feel like I had slept at all. Sometime after 2am I decided to try some deep breathing, counting backwards, and thinking of a nice place I remember having to start over (at 400) several times as before I even got to 395 I was distracted and thinking about something else. It must’ve worked though because the next thing I remember was waking up feeling like it was going to be time to get up soon and when I checked my clock it was 5:44am. I laid there til 6:05am and then got up.

I think relaxation is key to my falling asleep. If I were sleeping in the bedroom I would turn on the sleep music that I bought but I won’t be able to do that until the new mattress comes and I am able to go back to sleeping in the bedroom.

Anyway last Monday night I had trouble sleeping too and I think it was also because I was not able to relax. We were watching a movie that kind of stressed me out. I started to feel that way while watching a movie on Thursday too, but then I made a conscious effort to relax by getting all of my stuff ready for bed and laying on the couch to watch the movie instead of sitting up. That movie was kind of stressful too. Anyway when I tried hard to get relaxed while watching the movie I was able to sleep well that night.

I am feeling kind of cranky and depressed today for several reasons. I am bummed out that we snapped at each other last night. I am bummed that Jesse is bummed about his job and I don’t know what to do help him feel better. I feel guilty that I haven’t really noticed that he’s been down because I’ve been kind of self absorbed. My jeans feel tighter than I want them to and I feel fat. I feel discouraged because I had to quit my kettlebell workout early last night because a muscle in my lower back started hurting really bad. Especially because the whole reason I was doing kettlebell in the first place was because I’m getting shin splints from running so I need to vary my workouts. I feel discouraged because I’ve been trying not to gain weight and I feel like my workouts are being ruined. I also feel like if I don’t get in 5-6 really intense workouts during the week or basically starve myself I will gain weight. So, if I have to end my workout early, or if I splurge and have a fatty ice cream from Cold Stone, or some candy, or some chips, I gain weight. I feel like if I don’t micromanage my calorie intake and workouts I start to gain weight and gaining weight makes me feel like a COMPLETE FAILURE. Tight pants remind me all day of what a TOTAL FAILURE I am. So, not sleeping is not helping my day. I found two gray hairs this morning that I had to pull out. I realize that these problems are miniscule compared to real problems like cancer and nuclear crises, etc, but I am having a really hard time focusing today and would like to go home and lay in bed. I can’t because I have scheduled fraud interviews and a presentation to give at work. Also we are still using the sucky sleep number bed that I don’t want to lay on. I hope vacation gets here fast, although I’m sure when I get home none of my pants will fit if I eat one too many tacos or have a pina colada on vacation! ARGH.  

Dear Sleep Blog,

I have slept like a baby every night for the last 6 nights. Thank God. I have been taking 150mg Trazodone, 2 benadryl, and 10mg Celexa.

I slept like a baby again last night. On the couch. Jesse has been going to bed in the bedroom the last few nights. I fell asleep around 9pm. I even decided to go to sleep, laid down and closed my eyes (with sleep mask and with ear plugs) and actually fell asleep (instead of falling asleep while reading or watching tv). At least I am sleeping more nights than not. Still super excited about the new mattress that's on the way :-)

Wednesday. I was exhausted yesterday due to not sleeping well the night before, and it was all I could do to make myself stay up until about 8pm. I fell asleep reading on the couch shortly after 8pm. I woke up once around 10:30pm to pee and take my contacts out and went right back to sleep. I woke up one more time to pee but I didn’t check the clock. Then I went right back to sleep again until my alarm went off at 5:30am. I didn’t work out last night. I tried to stay relaxed to get a good night’s sleep since I had a big day scheduled at work today. The presentations have been rescheduled due to the snow/ice storm. I am just happy not to be exhausted.

Well, I made it 5 nights sleeping well. Last night (Monday) I did not sleep well at all. I worked out (ran 3 miles) after work (at about 5pm), made dinner, and Jesse and I watched a movie (The Fighter). I could tell during the movie that I wasn't going to be able to fall asleep. I had this feeling of being kind of revved up in my chest. I dont know if it was from running or running to army cadence that was stuck in my head or just not being tired, but I knew i wasn't going to fall asleep after the movie so i read for a while, til about 11:30, but still couldn't really fall asleep after that. I drifted in and out and got up to pee every hour or so til about 4am when I finally fell asleep until 6am. Very tired today. Left work early and went mattress shopping since this situation with me sleeping on the couch is not working out very wel for us. I found one but we won't be able to pick up until after we get home from Mexico. I guess that means 3 more weeks sleeping on the couch. I actually find the couch comfortable but it has basically turned the house into a studio apartment and we are getting on each other's nerves a lot more now.

It's Sunday. I have slept fine the last few nights. Slept for about 10 hours Friday night but only 8 on Saturday. Made a conscious effort not to sleep more than that so I can fall asleep tonight. Going shopping for a new mattress today in hopes of sleeping in the bedroom again.

Wednesday. I slept great last night. I was tired of course and I laid down on the couch about 8:50pm. I read for a few minutes and then fell asleep with the lamp on and Jesse watching a movie. I did have my ear plugs in. Reading seems to help me fall asleep more than watching tv. I slept 9 hours. I only got up once to pee, around midnight, and I felt so much more rested than I had all day yesterday that I thought it was like 4am but when I discovered it was only midnight and I had 6 more hours to sleep I was sooo happy.

It’s Tuesday. I have not slept well the last two nights. I have not been able to fall asleep when I want to. I have still be sleeping on the couch. I think this may have to do with adjusting to daylight savings time but I’m not sure. Whatever the reason, it’s annoying and I am crabby.

Sunday Morning. Still sleeping on the couch. I slept well last night. I even took my contacts out and read with the flashlight. Til last night I had been falling asleep with my contacts in because taking them out felt like making a "decision" to go to sleep and I was afraid of feeling pressured to fall asleep and then not being able to sleep. But last night I fell asleep reading with my glasses on. Slept about 9 hours. Yay!

It's Saturday. I slept well last night. We are both still sleeping on the couches. I was able to fall asleep when I decided to. I put in my ear plugs and put on my sleep mask and fell asleep even while Jesse was still awake and had the light on. I think it was about 10:30pm when I went to sleep. I got up to pee a couple times but slept well until 7:30am. I could've continued to sleep but I didn't want to sleep 12 hours and then not be able to sleep at night like last weekend. I was up for a couple hours in the morning reading the paper and surfing the internet and then i laid back down on the couch to read and doze off but Jesse didn't let me sleep for long cuz I said I again I didn't want to have another night like last weekend. I finally got off the couch and went to get some coke zero so i could have some caffeine and wake up cuz right then all i wanted to do was lay on the couch all day. I ate too much junk food and then worked out. Here's hoping that this good sleep continues. I am very thankful to have had 4 good nights of sleep in a row :-)

TGIF!!! I slept great last night, almost 9 hours. I went to sleep on the couch a little after 9pm. Got up a while later to pee. Slept til 4:15am when I woke up feeling pretty awake but had to pee. I laid back down on the couch and my mind started to wake up but I thought really hard about my breathing and fell back asleep until my alarm went off at 5:45am. I feel so good and rested today and so excited about having slept well 3 nights in a row that I feel like having a party!

It’s Thursday, the next best thing to Friday. I slept through the night again last night! Yippeee!!! That’s two nights in a row! That hasn’t happened in 2 weeks. Jesse and I both slept on the couches again. I fell asleep early, about 9:30pm, basically about 1 second after Jesse turned the light off. I got up once to pee after like an hour and a half and then I slept all night. I was even waking up a little bit right before my alarm went off. I can’t even remember the last time that happened. I felt decent at first in the morning but while I was sitting through some training at work this morning I developed a terrible headache. I felt a little better after I ate lunch but the headache didn’t go away even after I took some aleve. It has finally gotten mostly better after my afternoon snack. I don’t know what the deal is. Other random health notes, my elbow has been feeling better, my eye has stopped twitching, but I was INSANELY bloated yesterday, last night, and still this morning. I took 4 gas-ex between dinner and breakfast. I pooped 3 times today already. Weird. I have been remembering to take my prenatal vitamins. I have been working out very regularly this week thanks to Jesse. The only day I didn’t work out was Tuesday. I am still taking 10mg Celexa, 2 benadryl, and what is probably 135-140mg trazodone. The pills are 100mg. I take a whole one, then the better part of a ¼ of one. In the past when I’ve taken 150mg I have woken up very nauseous in the middle of the night, so I don’t want to take that much. I have no plans to reduce my Celexa further until I have a couple weeks of consistent good sleep under my belt.  

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

I slept really well last night. Jesse and I both slept on the couches again. I was feeling really tired and a little depressed last night until I finally got home and had something to eat. I worked 10 minutes late, went to the bank, went to the hospital to visit H and her new baby, then went to Jacque’s house with Jesse to talk about remodeling stuff. Finally got home at almost 8pm. I had something to eat and watched some Seinfeld. At about 9pm I felt like I could go to sleep if I wanted to, so I took my pills (no change since night before) and laid down on the couch about 9:20pm. I watched tv for a few minutes and then fell asleep. I slept for about an hour before getting up to pee and then I fell back asleep again. I woke up around 2am to pee again. I felt my mind starting to wake up when I laid back down but tried to force myself not to think about anything that would keep me awake and I was able to fall back asleep. I was still sleeping when my alarm went off at 5:35am (I had to go to work early today). I felt like I could’ve continued to sleep for hours, but after I got up and took a shower I felt pretty good. Yay Sleep!

Other notes, my eye has stopped twitching. I am feeling fat though. Definitely gained back all the weight I lost in January. My pants are irritating me. Didn’t work out last night due to no time and won’t have time tonight since Jacque is coming over for dinner, but should have time tomorrow.  

Tuesday March 8, 2011

Slept like crap again last night. Jesse and worked out after work and then had dinner. He wasn’t feeling well and fell asleep on the couch around 7pm. I stayed up doing stuff until about 9pm when I took my pills (10mg celexa, 125mg Trazodone, 2 benadryl) and then I laid down on the couch watching Seinfeld. I did drift off for about half an hour before I woke up to pee and then fell back to sleep for about another half hour. Then I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep. I turned off the tv and tried to sleep but I couldn’t. I felt tense about falling asleep and like I had the same couple of thoughts stuck in my head. I laid there for a while but finally woke Jesse up and told him I couldn’t sleep. This was about 1am. He turned on some music that we picked out from you tube that I found relaxing and then he held my hand for a while and I did feel more relaxed and eventually fell back asleep around 2am. Was sound asleep when my alarm went off at 5:50am. When I was awake around 1am I was on the verge of a breakdown, crying about why am I doing this. This is so frustrating. We did try some muscle relaxing exercises but I don’t know if they helped or not. Mostly it helps to get my mind off whatever I am thinking about, which is why I think reading or tv helps sometimes, but if I’m not sleepy then reading or tv just wakes me up more. I am trying not to lose hope about this and am very thankful for Jesse waking up to help me sleep. I sure hope I sleep better tonight as tomorrow at work I have to give a couple hour long presentations and I don’t want to feel like a zombie.

Monday March 7, 2011. I slept well last night. I fell asleep on the couch watching Seinfeld with Jesse around 9pm. He woke me up at about 9:30 and told me to go to bed. I went to bed but didn’t feel like I was going to fall asleep so I went back to the couch to watch more Seinfeld. I fell asleep probably within half an hour. Got up once to pee and went right back to sleep. Still sound asleep when my alarm went off at 5:50am. 10 mg Celexa, 125 Trazodone, 2 benadryl.

In general I am feeling fat and obsessing about my pants. Of course this is because I binge ate last weekend and feasted on DQ cake during the week and the week before that at the union conference I did nothing but eat junk food. But I worked out on Saturday and Sunday though and will work out Tuesday & Thursday of this week so hopefully that will help. I am totally going to need to buy new capris & shorts this year. I guess that’s ok. The capris that I have been wearing I bought in like 2006, so it’s probably time for some new summer clothes anyway. Still, I wish I was buying smaller ones. Oh well. One day at a time. Trying to eat healthier, exercise more, and get enough sleep!

Ok it's Sunday. This weekend has been mixed. After a completely exhausting week of troubled sleep and overtime work, I slept like a baby Friday night, from 11pm til 11am Saturday morning. I even slept in the bed instead of on the couch. I only got up once to pee, at 5am and went right back to sleep. I woke up again at 8am but went back to sleep until 11am. I had tons of energy all day and got tons of stuff accomplished. I had all sorts of plans for today, but apparently the universe thinks one night of good sleep per week is enough for me cuz last night was a disaster. I felt sleep around 11pm and tried to go to bed. I read in bed for a little while but when I laid down to sleep there was no way it was going to happen. I laid there for an hour or so and then got up and went out to the couch. I watched a couple episodes of true blood and didn't really fall asleep until about 3am. I know I slept a little because I remember having a dream, but it wasn't very restful sleep. I woke up a lot and i woke up pretty early in the morning and never went back to sleep. I am tired and frustrated today. I worked out this afternoon but mostly only because Jesse worked out too and kind of forced me to. I mean not forced forced but you know what I meant. I had a little more energy after that for a while but after taking a hot shower I feel ready to go to bed now. I can't though because we are meeting Karen and Lloyd for dinner at 5:30pm. I hope I sleep better tonight. This is so frustrating. It doesn't seem to help to take more trazodone or benadryl. I dont know why I couldn't sleep last night. Maybe because I slept too much the night before, but I was so exhausted from not sleeping well all week that I needed to catch up. Argh. Here's hoping for tonight.

It’s Friday. I am feeling much better than Wednesday and Thursday. I was really tired yesterday but I made dinner anyway. I made something new that was kind of a lot of work, or more work than I expected it to be, and jesse didn’t really like it but I thought it was pretty good. Anyway I dozed off on the couch for 15 minutes around 8pm or so while Jesse was watching a movie but then I got up and was wide awake again. I slept on the couch again. I watched TV til I got a little sleepy. I was able to fall asleep pretty much right away after I turned the TV off and I slept pretty well all night. I got about 6.5 hours of sleep. I did take extra trazodone and Benadryl last night again.

Thursday. I worked 10 hours yesterday, partly because I need the money, partly because I have a lot of work to do, and partly because I knew if I went home as scheduled (which still would have left me with a 9 hour day because of going in early) I wouldn’t do anything productive anyway. I probably shouldn’t have worked so long. By the time I got home I was in tears and had a few minor breakdowns in the evening. I was so tired after my 3^rd day of about 4 hours of sleep per night. I fell asleep on the couch watching true blood at like 8pm but Jesse woke me up so I could take my pills and go to bed. By the time I laid down in bed my mind was on again, thinking about falling asleep of course, and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep. I got up and went back to the couch and watched more true blood. I fell asleep on the leather couch watching true blood (well I did actually turn the tv off eventually) around 11 or so and I did sleep most of the night. I woke up a few times but fell back asleep. I think the reason I was able to sleep was that I just told myself that if I couldn’t sleep that night I would go back to taking 15mg of Celexa the next day. Making that decision (or at least telling myself that) made me feel more relaxed. Anyway I was still sleeping when my alarm went off at 5:55am. I feel tired but not crazy tired like last night.

Oh – I should add that I took 125mg of Trazodone instead of 100 last night (which made me feel a little nauseous) and when I got up to pee at midnight I took 2 (additional) benadryl.

I did take a prenatal vitamin last night. I had to pee a ton after that but I don’t know if it had to do with the vitamin or just that I drank orange juice. OJ always makes me have to pee.

My eye is still twitching.

I have several canker sores that really hurt.

This blog sounds really complainy but I guess the whole reason I created it was to document any sleeping/health issues I have, so that’s mostly what it’s about.

Well it’s Wednesday. I went to bed last night about 10pm and read until I fell asleep. I must have fallen asleep reading since when I woke up to pee at 2:30am my glasses were still on. I felt really tired when I woke up and was thinking great, I should be able to go right back to sleep but when I went back to bed after going to the bathroom I never fell back asleep. I laid there for about an hour and then I got up and went out to the couch. I couldn’t fall back asleep there either. After a little while I tried reading but that didn’t really make me tired either. I did close my eyes for a little while but at about 5am I just got up and got ready for work.

I don’t know why I can’t fall back asleep. That’s two nights in a row. I wasn’t thinking stressful thoughts or anything. When I laid back down last night just random thoughts kept popping into my head, about the book I am reading or about the vacation I’m planning or just about whatever random thing. I wasn’t thinking negative thoughts or obsessing about any one particular thing. I did feel upset when I was getting ready for work because I am afraid of going down the same path as last fall when I didn’t sleep hardly at all for like 6 weeks. It might have been a month. Or two. I don’t remember because it felt like ETERNITY. I need to read that book about insomnia and find some techniques to shut my mind off and fall asleep. I try things like thinking of positive thoughts and things I am thankful for, which helps me not be negative about not falling asleep, but it doesn’t make me fall asleep.  

This makes three nights in a row I have not slept enough. I haven’t even really felt that tired in the morning. I felt better this morning than yesterday morning because I didn’t fall back asleep. I feel worse when I fall back asleep like 45 minutes before I have to get up and am then sound asleep when my alarm goes off. I don’t know how many more nights I can make it like this before feeling really tired though.

I have noticed that last night and Sunday night I wasn’t really tired when I initially went to bed. Sunday I had trouble falling asleep but when I fell asleep I stayed asleep. Last night I fell asleep reading but then had trouble staying asleep. I don’t know why I couldn’t stay asleep on Monday night because I was exhausted from working out when I went to bed. I thought maybe it was the workout or the prenatal vitamin that kept me from sleeping the whole night through but I didn’t work out or take the vitamin last night.

So, as far as getting off the celexa goes, when I was on 20mg I almost never had any trouble sleeping. For the month I was on 15 mg (January) I did not have any trouble sleeping. Since reducing to 10mg on 2/1/11 I have had significant trouble sleeping 6 out of 29 nights. I still have not made any changes to the Trazodone or Benadryl.

Also, I have noticed that I only have trouble sleeping on work nights. I have not had any problems sleeping on the weekends.

Ok so it’s March 1^st. It’s been a month (well technically 4 weeks since February is short) since I reduced my Celexa from 15mg to 10mg. It was my original plan to reduce to 5mg today but I’m going to wait another week and a half. The last month has been so-so. I have not slept well the past two nights. Last night I had no problem falling asleep but I woke up at 2:30 and laid there for an hour before getting up and going out to the couch and then it took me probably another hour before I fell back asleep again. The only things that were different were that I worked out last night and it was later than normal, although I was done by 6pm, and I took a prenatal vitamin with dinner. Not sure if either of those things would have had any effect on my sleep. The night before, on Sunday, I had trouble falling asleep. I went to bed with Jesse around 10pm and read for a while but I wasn’t tired. I tried to fall asleep for a while but I couldn’t. I got up and went out to the couch after about an hour. Then it took me probably til midnight to fall asleep. I slept ok the rest of the night. Last Wednesday I had that night I couldn’t sleep because of being mad at my sister in law and also because of too much caffeine. A week or two before that I had a couple nights I couldn’t sleep because of obsessing about all the drama at work with the stupid governor and the stupid budget. So that makes 5 nights in February that I had trouble sleeping. So anyway, I am going to wait another week and a half to reduce my meds again. Partly to try to be more stable and also because last time I reduced them I was really nauseous for a day and a half and I’d rather wait until the weekend in case that happens again because I can’t be missing work all the time.