Tuesday March 8, 2011

Slept like crap again last night. Jesse and worked out after work and then had dinner. He wasn’t feeling well and fell asleep on the couch around 7pm. I stayed up doing stuff until about 9pm when I took my pills (10mg celexa, 125mg Trazodone, 2 benadryl) and then I laid down on the couch watching Seinfeld. I did drift off for about half an hour before I woke up to pee and then fell back to sleep for about another half hour. Then I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep. I turned off the tv and tried to sleep but I couldn’t. I felt tense about falling asleep and like I had the same couple of thoughts stuck in my head. I laid there for a while but finally woke Jesse up and told him I couldn’t sleep. This was about 1am. He turned on some music that we picked out from you tube that I found relaxing and then he held my hand for a while and I did feel more relaxed and eventually fell back asleep around 2am. Was sound asleep when my alarm went off at 5:50am. When I was awake around 1am I was on the verge of a breakdown, crying about why am I doing this. This is so frustrating. We did try some muscle relaxing exercises but I don’t know if they helped or not. Mostly it helps to get my mind off whatever I am thinking about, which is why I think reading or tv helps sometimes, but if I’m not sleepy then reading or tv just wakes me up more. I am trying not to lose hope about this and am very thankful for Jesse waking up to help me sleep. I sure hope I sleep better tonight as tomorrow at work I have to give a couple hour long presentations and I don’t want to feel like a zombie.