Hi. It's Tuesday 5/31. This is my 6th day in a row off work. I was supposed to be feeling rested and getting stuff done that I have been meaning to do and generally feeling refreshed before heading back to some more very busy weeks at work. Instead I feel like crap. I slept like a rock last Wednesday night and felt great on my day off on Thursday. I also slept well Thursday night and even woke up earlier than I had planned for a day of shopping on Friday. Friday I was exhausted from shopping and slept pretty well. Saturday I slept til like 10 and I had trouble falling asleep before 1:00am Saturday night, but this was probably because I was caught up on my sleep and not really tired. Sunday Jesse kind of freaked out about me not even trying to sleep in the bed (I had been planning to try to sleep in the bed once we got the tv set up in there, but there was a problem with our new tv and we had to return it so one didn't get set up in there). He set up the old tv from downstairs in the bedroom and I tried to sleep in the bed that night watching seinfeld in the bed. I dozed off next to him a couple of times, probably for like 45 minutes each time, but the second time I couldn't go back to sleep because I just felt awake. After an hour or so I went out to the couch but by 4:30 I got really upset and started crying and woke Jesse up. I cried for a while and he gave me a back rub and I was finally able to fall back asleep, sometime around 6am I would guess. I slept til 10. Of course over this time I also came down with a sore throat/cold, which is also making me feel tired. I felt dead tired all day on Monday but still managed to do some things. I started to feel better around 7pm and took the dog for a long walk. After I took a shower I felt really tired again, like I could've keeled over any second, but we stayed up to watch an episode of law and order svu and then we went to watch seinfeld in bed. I couldn't fall asleep. Didn't even feel tired. When Jesse started snoring I went out to the couch. This was round 12:30. Last time I looked at the clock was 4:38am. I might've dozed off for a few minutes here and there, but I was up to go to the bathroom every half hour. Basically wide awake. I don't know what to do with myself when this happens. I don't want to get up in the middle of the night and do something around the house. Watching tv doesn't help. Sometimes playing solitaire on my phone makes me drowsy. I haven't tried reading again so I will try that soon. Anyway i finally went to sleep I guess sometime before 5:00am and slept til 10am. I still have a sore throat and physically I feel like crap. I am tired and my throat hurts. Mentally I feel even worse. I realize that in the grand scheme of things my problems are miniscule, but it is so frustrating to try to go to bed at a decent hour and then lay awake ALL NIGHT, sleep late and waste most of the day and then still feel like crap. I feel like crying. I dont want to do anything that I wanted to do th is weekend. This not falling asleep til morning and then sleeping til 10am allows me to function enough on days off, but when I have to get up at 5:30am the next 3 days it's going to be a real problem if I can't fall asleep til 4:30am. I feel very depressed about this. I am still taking 5mg Celexa, 150mg of Trazodone, and 2 benadryl. How am I ever going to be able to get off trazodone when I can't even get off the Celexa? I should've done things the other way around because I could still get pregnant while on Celexa but not on Trazodone. I feel like I am never going to be able to get off these pills and sleep and not sleeping ruins my life. Plus i have the trip to NYC coming up in less than 2 weeks and I have no idea how I'm going to be able to sleep while there and I'm afraid the trip will be ruined. And earlier in the year I had wanted to try to get pregnant when I got home from NYC and now I know that's just not going to happen anytime soon. I dont even feel ready now with all of these issues in my head. I have been feeling very down the last month or so since I cut back to 5mg of Celexa. I am not sure if it's because of the insomnia or being tired from having to put in OT at work and travel for work and generally not having a lot of time for anything. I am sure it is a comibination. I dont know what to do. I just want to cry.